Wednesday, December 7, 2011

How to Fake a Sportsgasm

So you have a date this weekend with a guy that is a sports enthusiast and you want to be able to impress him. Or you are going to hang out with your boyfriend and his friend and you don't want to feel left out when the conversation turns to sports??

Sports talk is a social obsession for alot of people. It happens man-to-man, man-to-woman, woman-to-woman and woman-to-man. When you talk sports, you bond with people. Lots of  people are intrigued with a woman that can "talk" sports. That conversation can mean, getting an invite to that hip party, closing that next business deal, making it to that critical second date and more.

Ladies (and SOME guys)…take notes!

1.Read. the sports section of the newspaper/Internet serves a purpose. Believe it or not, it can be read! Not just for social networking or enjoyment, but for information gathering. The day of, spend about 10 minutes scanning the sports section. It gives you just enough information to fake the conversation for the day. It tells you who won, who lost and what the scores were. You will also read about key plays, major injuries or any controversial calls. Basically, the sports section summarizes a three-hour game into about a three-minute read. The key here is to make the headlines sound like your own words!

2. Get to know the basics of "the game." Simulating sports talk is like learning how to speak conversational  Spanish. There are some basics you just need to know to get by. (I mean….who doesn’t know what bueno and gracias mean in Spanish!?) For example, when talking sports scores, know that football uses touchdowns, baseball uses runs, basketball uses points and hockey uses goals. Another basic? You absolutely, positively need to know the names of your home teams and some of their players. Flub a basic and you're bound to get caught faking a sportsgasm. And that can be quite embarrassing!

3. Answer questions with questions. If you are asked “Man, did you see that last night?” and you have no idea what game he or she is talking about, the safe answer is always “Can you believe it?”. The beauty:-) of this answer is that its non-committal. It doesn’t say whether or not you watched the game and it doesn’t matter how the game turned out. It could have been great or lousy. “Can you believe it?” works for just about every scenario imaginable. Plus, you’ve applied a “reverse question block” where you answer a question with a question. This gets them talking more, which gives you valuable sound bites to repeat back and they won’t even have a clue what just happened!

4.Have an exit strategy. This is where, when you have nowhere else to go, you throw up your hands and say “I can’t even talk about this anymore” and in a condescending tone repeatedly say “ok, you’re right, I’m wrong”. If executed properly, they will think you’re completely irrational and emotional. That’s exactly what you want them to think. Keep in mind, true sports talk is built on being irrational and emotional. I am both  when talking about my Dallas sports teams!


Random knowledge: A recent study revealed that 95 percent of women lie of when talking about sports.


Anonymous said...

This will earn some extra dates, they should thank you for this.

Yolanda said...

Sportsgasm, I’ve been empowered. Greg loves sports and I am intimidated with the sports conversation comes up. I really like you blog lady.